I’m not okay now, but I’m going to be.

A number of years ago I was privileged to attend church with a woman named Joyce. I was a young mother, and she was an example and model to me. Her family went through one of the most difficult experiences in life: they lost Chuck, their 23 year old son, due to an undetected heart problem. He dropped dead on a basketball court during a church league game, just before Christmas, leaving a young wife who was 8 months pregnant. The entire town was stunned and the visitation and funeral were
attended by many people. One well meaning but insensitive man asked Joyce, “So, how are you doing?” I will never forget her response: I’m not okay now, but I’m going to be.

“I’m not okay now, but I’m going to be.”

With one sentence she managed to acknowledge the reality of the pain and confusion she was going through, while still pointing to and claiming the hope that every day was not going to be as awful as that day was.

A few years later, I remembered those words and said them the first time as I stood by my own son’s grave. And, although I didn’t know how it could ever be true, eventually I was okay. Forever changed and forever marked, but okay.

It seems to me that this sentiment is one that a Christian can understand in ways perhaps others can’t. That even when we are going through times and situations that are new, that are confusing, that are scary – we can acknowledge that we are NOT okay now, but we will be. It is not a lack of faith to state fear or confusion; but it is our choice to look to God to receive strength and help. We don’t have to be strong or all knowing; we need only to live moment by moment and look for ways to be loving. For when we look for ways to be loving we will see God.

Blest be the tie that binds,

Pastor Molly